By Mitch Elada
So you walk into a bar and you see Barney on Acid, Jackie Chan and people ordering Liquid Heroin.
This is not the punch line for a lame joke. It’s what actually happens inside OMG Shot Bar, which is basically a room of decadence wedged among larger venues of decadence on 17th Street in Downtown McAllen, which has become a strip of decadence.
Barney on Acid, Jackie Chan, Liquid Heroin and a ton of other shots with names hinting at sinister sexual connotations have slimed their way into the Entertainment District.
The addition of two shot bars in the past year has really upped the ante down there. Now, you’re probably saying, “Oye, Mitch, what in the name of Captain Morgan is a shot bar?!”
It’s a room with a menu. This menu has like four dozen shots, all of which have names that tell you absolutely nothing about what the item is. In fact, more than half of these names will actually confuse you.
During my recent blurry excursion, I spent a solid 17 minutes trying to figure out why Peacock’s Shot Bar had a libation called Bart Simpson, which was $4 and contained mixed rum, melon liquor and vodka. Maybe it was yellow like the Bartman. Wait, maybe it’d make me say “aye carumba!” It did have rum in it.
Turns out the answer is simple, “Dude, quit being a d-bag about it and drink up, bro man.”
Touché.
But Bart Simpson isn’t my favorite shot name, not even close.
They get oh so much better.
Bull Blaster – made from Jaeger and Red Bull. This shot costs $8, which is a pretty cheap price to pay to stay up for two straight days and probably get in a fist fight with your roommate.
Ass Burner – made from Wild Turkey and Goldschläger. This duo sounds like a pair of super villains who are uniting to make you start crying at Whataburger after the bar about how you’ll never find true love. You’ll also probably get in a fist fight with your roommate.
Panty Dropper – made from watermelon liquor, Bacardi 151, Malibu and pj. This shot has a vile name. It might as well be called “The shot you want when flowers, conversation and deep eye contact won’t work.” Also, it’s only $6, which is way cheaper than dinner, amiright fellas?
After the 17th Street shot bars, I staggered over to Austin Avenue in search of the meaning of life. I ended up at Club El Divino, where my drinking problem decided to order more shots.
Things get serious at El Divino. OMG and Peacock are shot bars for the masses. In those places, bartenders slop together the most potent liquors in the tastiest packages to get you and your friends as drunk as possible for a reasonable price.
El Divino takes a moment to revel in the art of shot making. They infuse Tito’s Vodka with pineapple. They toy around with the martini menu. And, most importantly, they have a vodka shot that tastes exactly like bacon.
What’s this pigtastic libation called?
A bacon shot.
A few of these and you’ll be ready to roll in your own filth, or you can just go back to 17th Street.
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Mitch Elada is a freelance party animal who covers nightlife and 17th Street for Festiva. You can reach him by buying a round for the house.
Some guy in a Texas Rangers t-shirt is slaying the dance floor. Some girl looks incredible with giant poofy afro and killer pink dress taken straight from Michelle Pfeiffer in “Scarface.” And the normal wait staff is circulating the room, tapping us all on the arm and asking “Que queries tomar?”
